One of the first things I wrote in college and I chose to write about LSD. I got an A, Mom.

Lucy and Patrick Sitting in a Tree....

            When I was a kid, I didn’t believe in God.  I never had a good reason to believe nor did I care.  If he did exist, I certainly couldn’t conceive an all-powerful, omnipresent figure that concerned itself with humanity in a way we could consciously understand.  My parents taught me right from wrong, and there are things in life that we can control and things we cannot. God is abstract, and he/she and I co-exist independently of one another. That is how I perceived the world.  One day, I widened my gaze.  That was the day I first experienced lysergic acid diethylamide, otherwise known as LSD.

            If I had to choose one word to describe the LSD experience, it would be “epiphany.”  While attending a Bonnaroo Music Festival in Manchester, Tennessee, I found myself alone in a forest, breathing.  All of a sudden, I began to ponder the symbiotic exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide between animals and plants that sustains all life.  I had never considered this amazing omnipotent power that occurs before us.

            LSD brings out the best in me.  Being altruistic comes as naturally as walking or talking.  Intense feelings of empathy are usual, and strong inclinations to be honest, compassionate, and generous are commonplace.  Petty emotions like fear, jealously, and selfishness dissolve from my mind as quickly as the acid is absorbed into my bloodstream.  Imagine sharing that experience with hundreds of magnanimous individuals.  Music festivals are heaven on Earth.

            An acid trip lets me return to the wonderment of childhood.  My imagination is at its most vivid.  Everything seems new and innocent.  If one were so inclined, they could wave a stick around while pretending to be a Hogwart’s wizard and see large streaks of bright, blue lightening shooting right from their “wand.”  I feel the powerful sensation of being completely immersed in a sublime state.

            This chemical compound has allowed me to tap into otherwise unattainable levels of potential by which I experience humanity and view the physical world.  I’ve bore witness to an overwhelmingly omniscient and benevolent presence.  LSD has showed me the slightest glimpse of God.  I’m grateful for that every single day of my life.

I loved the Man of Steel! Apparently me and Kevin Smith have some similar (SPOILERY) views on it. And we're both high while reviewing it (only he's just way smarter than me)

Not only did I escape the heat for two and a half hours, I simultaneously watched Man of Steel this afternoon. Oh, it was more glorious than I could have imagined.  So these are merely the SPOILERY thoughts of a stoner with a GED who likes to watch movies…

(See if you can read this whole paragraph in one breath.) First of all, as someone who never went to church or read the Bible, this story totally reminds me of Jesus. But it doesn’t take an atheist under the influence to see the parallels. He was conceived and born under miraculous circumstances, then sent to Earth where he possesses God-like powers. As a child, his altruistic nature is misunderstood, and our outcast hero wanders aimlessly from ages 18 to 32... Until he ultimately takes the figurative and literal leap of faith for humanity and accepts his destiny as savior of mankind.

We all know this story and it serves its purpose themecally, but it’s far from the best thing about this highly enjoyable film.

The thing that stuck out to me was the non-linear structure. It’s quite brilliant and keeps the pace moving quickly. Writer, David Goyer, collaborated with producer, Christopher Nolan, on each part of the Dark Knight Trilogy. But it was Batman Begins that featured Goyer as a co-screenwriter with Nolan. Like Batman Begins,Man of Steel was written without the assistance of Nolan’s little brother, Jonah. The fragmented plot style of both films lends itself to telling a familiar and somewhat predictable story (like the superhero origin story for instance).

So this is a pretty straightforward tale. Superman’s home planet is dying, so his father, Jor-El (played by Russell Crowe) sends him to Earth. He spends his twenties as a lonely migrant worker and secretly going around saving people. Then, one day, the xenophobic Kryptonian military leader, General Zod, comes to Earth to kill the son of Jor-El and destroy mankind so a new Krypton can flourish on Earth. Clark Kent must then save the world. Yada yada.

The cool part of the story is in between all of that, the audience gets to see Clark at different points of childhood and the big emotional experiences that lead him down his path of becoming Superman. (Big kudos to Cooper Timberline and Dylan Sprayberry, who respectively play the 9 and 13 year old versions of Clark) These sad and beatifully touching parts of the film where a scared kid has to figure what the hell is wrong with him were my favorite. All the while kids tease and bully him, parents are freaked out by him, and Young Superman is angry and angsty and confused. 

Kevin Costner throws down one the better performances he’s done in a while as Clark’s father, Jonathon Kent. Speaking of, this movie has one hell of a cast. Henry Cavill has wonderful chemistry with Costner, along with Amy Adam’s brilliant Lois Lane, as well as, the magnificent Diane lane as his mother, Martha Kent. (the first scene where Superman and Zod square off might be one of the most powerful scenes I’ve seen in while.) Michael Shannon is the fucking man. All the time. In everything he’s in. (Also, I never get tired of seeing Chris Meloni or Toby Ziegler do anything.)

Man, Russel Crowe’s performance was the only somwehwat disappointing one. It was stilted and lacked any emotion. I couldn’t tell if was he’s just playing super stoic or what, but it was kinda boring.  I haven’t seen a good one from Crowe in a while (he had the only non-amazing performance in Les Mis). To be fair to him, his character in Man of Steel had the least cool stuff; the writers used him mostly as an expository device more than anything (of which there was quite a bit of.)

This is the best flick that Zack Snyder has ever directed. The entire thing looks gorgeous, but all of his films always look really great.  He took it to another level with this one.

While I liked Hans Zimmer’s score, I would have liked to hear some more pop music. I loved what Snyder did with pop in Watchmen, and Man of Steel had only one big piece of music that wasn’t Zimmer score. It sounded like Pearl Jam but I couldn’t find information about it. Anyway, I liked that song.

The best action scenes were the ones with Superman and Zod squaring off.  Some of the other big military/alien set pieces dragged on a bit. At almost two and a half hours, I might have cut some of those scenes.

The other glaring thing was the strong urge I had after the movie to go get a Slurpee on my way to Sears to pick up a new dishwasher, but not before a hearty breakfast at IHOP. Go a little easier on the product placement; you either have to create an entirely new sort of surreal world with fake products like Quentin Tarantino or Kevin Smith or you have to be slick about it like David Chase.  They just went for it like Wayne’s World. (“Nuprin: little…yellow…different” *thanks for that reference, Brittani.)

If you like Batman Begins or Watchmen, I’d recommend this. Although I think it’s pretty fucking good compared to anything.  I’d give it an 8.9. Fart noise. The End.

I got all stoned up on the pot and saw The Bling Ring. This post is SPOILRY but awesome. I love, you!

I just watched The Bling Ring; my initial impressions were solid. Totally solid flick. It reminded me a lot of the first three and half seasons of Skins. It's like if Bret Easton Ellis wrote the script for Bottle Rocket or Blow.

Full Disclosure: This does has some SPOILERS, but not Bruce Willis is dead or the Titanic sinks at the end. Nothing big like that. After Summerbash, I'm now taking a (possibly permanent) vacation from fucking alcohol. So it’s just good old fashioned California Cancer Medicine for me. Just keep in mind: my side effects are my being fucking baked…

I'm gonna use the "F" word several more times so like, fucking deal with it, I s'pose...  Ultimately this film doesn't hold up to the spectacular Vanity Fair piece by Nancy Jo Sales of which Ms. Coppola's script is based.

The author recently expanded the article into a full on book (Personally, I think this film could have been like “Best Picture good” if Ms. Coppola would have been able to collaborate on the script with Sales or someone who can write good and stuff. She's an auteur; what can I say?).

I was looking for a torrent of this book (or the A++ club banger/hip hop soundtrack), and I had thought I had found a sweet Cannes screaner but there's some 2011 film also named Bling Ring. I mean, shit, if award shows and A-list film festivals are good for just one thing, it is providing all of these fucking sweet screeners for us pirates and our bays and so forth.

And GOB on his segue..... Sofia Coppola is just a brilliant visual director. Cinematographers, Harris Savides and Chris Blauvelt hit it out of the fucking ballpark. Brilliantly gorgeous.

Ms. Coppola's dialogue skills throughout the film and certain editing choices in the final act leave something to be desired. The movie starts out confidently fun but ultimately becomes too self-important (these are 1%er problems). This film is at its best when the "Burglary Bunch" is invoking Lucy Ricardo during the time she fell into Richard Widmark's backyard trying snag a Grapefruit from his tree (the tourbus driver just didn't understand that Lucy "only needed to pick a grapefruit.") That should have been the heart of this souless movie: the literal and metaphorical struggle over the celbrities wall... with a prized grapefruit. The two main characters, Mark and Rebecca are essentially a teenaged Ethel and Lucy, respectively.

Having said that, the opening sequence is fucking incredible. It instantly set the wild-ass tone and pace. Nhilistic. Sexy. Frantic. It really left a strong YOLO impression on me.

But having said that, the last thirty minutes of this ninety minute flick had some laggy moments and most of the best lines are quotes from Nancy Jo Sales' article.

*my favorite parts not based on anything are when Rebecca (the ringleader) tries to steal Paris Hilton's dog. It somehow reminded me from Toto from Wizard of Oz. One of the funnier parts of this kinda humorless yet entertaining flick is a running sight gag where Mark (the protagonist) takes a pair of dark pink (almost red) heels that belong to Ms. Hilton. Mark is the only member of the crew who can properly fit into Ms. Hilton's large-ass shoes for her large ass feet. Those shoes also reminded of me Oz. Like the dog and the shoes belonged in a magical world that these characters desperately want to be a part of but will ultimately always be fakers. The slippers aren't quite ruby red and that dog is actually a chihhuahua. 

I enjoyed most of the performances save for the two leads, (Mark) Isreal Broussard and (Rebecca) Katie Chang. Unfortunately, Broussard's Mark comes off like he's on heroin and just being an uncharming Sid from Skins, and Ms. Chang's, Rebecca, is like a boringly vapid, uncharasmatic Scarface. 

If you’re going to have anti-heroes as your protagonists, they better be smart, funny, charming, fucking something.... Mark needed some Walter White from season 2 or Bill Macy's character from Fargo (something humanizing. more pain, more insight, anything) Rebecca should have had some George Jung or Stringer Bell in her performance (hell, even Henry Hill, De Niro in Casino, Walter White in season 5 ).

Emma Watson fucking killed it. She reminded me of the Stonem siblings with shades of the brothers Bateman. She stole every scene. Ms. Watson easily gives the best performance in this picture as the sultry, deceptive, and charming character, Nikki.

Leslie Mann gave a sympathetic heartbreaking performance as Emma Watson's hippie dippie mom. While Mann plays the character as a new age ditz, there are layers of true maternal pride and worry. Mann plays her dumb blonde subtly as she deeply and truly loves her snotty and manipulative daughter. If you actually listen to Mann's lines, she's the only character that actually has wisdom and isn't completely absorbed by materialism.

Sofia Coppola is now 42 years old and a mother of two; I can't help but be reminded of Ms. Coppola when I see Mann's well-meaning mother as basically the only sympathetic figure in this story. This story has to hit close to home for her (Lost in Translation is smothered in autobiographical gravy).

Coppola was born right around the same time her father agreed to make the Godfather; she is the epitome of The Hollywood Heiress. She is a former model and continues to gig as a successful fashion designer. Now, she is the mother of rich, white, famous kids that live in this ultra-competitive high-pressure hyper-celebrity-obsessed society.

This is essentially a cautionary tale a la Goodfellas, Blow, or Breaking Bad.  The problem is that this film lacks the dark humor of a Sopranos or Coen Brothers story or the graphic shock of Ellis or the emotional weight of Tarantino, Scorcese, or Vince Gilligan.

It’s similar to Pain and Gain (this summer's most underrated film, so far) in that you have these beautiful breath-taking films that tell the grimy stories of some really unlikeable desperate self-absorbed criminals. Pain and Gain has just enough of that manic dark humor to make it awesome. Emma Watson can only do so much in a supporting role!

*True story: her character use to be a, uh, exotic dancer, and in one scene, she shows off her character’s job related work skills on Paris Hilton's personal home stripper pole. (Sha-wing.)

This movie is mostly Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride and let’s face it… “Everyone wants Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.” and totally worth seeing if you dig Bret Easton Ellis, Skins, or Palahniuk. It’s like Girls mixed with It’s Always Sunny if Harmony Korine directed it. The Bling Ring left me with this filthy sorta feeling yet hedonistically anarchistic (kinda like how Ed Norton felt during all the Tyler/Marla bang sessions in Fight Club)

I think I'm gonna watch some “Canadian pornography” and then maybe a "Netflix Show Stealer" version of Spring Breakers.... NSA, you better not tell no one.