So I was drinking beer, smoking dope, and talking religion and politics with my cosmopolitan redneck buddy. Let's call him Scooter; he has a job in the corporate sector. This dude has been a friend and customer of mine for a few years now. He has fire HSO's, but it was just recently that I realized Scooter is the Hammer. Can you P1's imagine my excitement, when I realized what I had on my hands. Pizza grease and pot ash. Huh.
So if Mike Rynner created the Little Ticket, Greg "The Hammer" Williams was his muse and embodied an intellectual white trashiness that exemplifies so much many of the city's hopes and dreams. This was a man that had DFW by the short and curlys, but flew too close to the sun on wings of drugs.
If you don't know all of this already, stop reading, and go check out "The Hard Lie" by Richie Whitt. http://www.dallasobserver.com/news/the-hard-lie-6420113
It's an incredible story, much better than this one, but I digress. Me and Scooter are watching Cam do a prison shower rape scene on Bruce Arians. (he's only wearing the hat and Cam just Supermans him the whole time.) I'm a grown man. If I want to make a joke about one grown man raping another grown man, I'm going to do it.
Sorry, that got dark way too fast. I got a demon in me, folks. I love people; I wish no one got raped ever.
So anyway, Carson Palmer is disappointing us again, so we start talking politics. I point out how little minimum wage is when you add it all up. $8 X 40 hrs/week = $320/week. $320/week X 52 weeks = $16,640. Uncle Sam takes about $1,500 off the top, and assuming you're a good Christian, you're giving Jesus almost $1,700 of it. $16,640 - $1,700 - $1,500 = $13,440 for the whole year for everything. That's if you're one the lucky ones that can find full time work. Business owners say they don't give out full-time wages, because Obamacare is too expensive.
So Scooter is outraged that a hard working middle class American has to live off of little more than 1K a month. But at the same time, he strongly opposes Obamacare. As a good Christian, he wants to help those less fortunate, but Obamacare will put small business owners out of business. That's unpatriotic.
Personally, if you want free market capitalism, I say just deal with the stronger small business owners putting the weaker small business owners out of business. Am I splitting hairs here, Dude?
If I want to play Abbott's advocate, we have to protect small business owners (whatever that means). As Scooter puts it, that $8 an hour shit is supposed to be for like teenagers that need an after school job. Couldn't agree more with Scooter on this.
So what if we gave small business owners some exemptions. If you're this much of a Little Guy Business Owner, we'll help you out. We, the government, will allow you X number of wage exemptions. Your full time employees get $15/hr and full health coverage, but you get, say three Little Guy Business exemptions for part-time employees. Little Guy Business' bottom line(i.e. his boat fund)gets helped out with cheap labor. Little Johnny can buy baseball cards and iPhone games with his earnings.
But what about corporations? Who the fuck is crying for these things? Should I feel bad for lazy stockholders, who do nothing to earn their profits? Please, go fuck yourself. And rape Mitt Romney, while you're at it.
"It's time the corporations start paying their fair share." Nobody's entitled to anything though, so we have political elections. If only there was a cure for how boring they are.
If you want to metaphorically impale Big Corporations like Elliot and Mr. Robot, I would suggest that you read some smart people's writing like Andrew Johnson, Stanton Brasher, and Killer Mike. They would tell you to vote for Bernie Sanders. I'm betting they can make a better argument than any of you or I can.
Legalize recreational marijuana! Now that, you can trust me on.
-Uncle Pat
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